The Long Wait

by afatqiamat

Complaining again …?… you ungrateful  thing…

..sigh … this is what I tell myself whenever , my heavy heart forces me to shed down some burden …

Last night .. I took the last coach , and fortunately  it dropped me near  the sea … it was kind of deserted so i wandered down to the water …..and sat there on the wet sand …. then cursed myself  that I  will have to wash my cloths now , because it was wet .

and then immersed my feets in the waves , closed my eyes and tried to think of God . in the hope that may , just may be , he will appear out of no where when no one is around and at least listen to me…

..then I felt , the waves are trying to say something to me , gently knocking  on the door of my soul , I kept my eyes closed and tried to listen .

… i thought they were trying to say , that i should tell the God about my  miseries , about my problem  , about the nearly monolithic perpetual state of Pain I am in , I felt my heart opening , but it was too dark , only the waves and their sound …

so I asked why ..? why am I being tried , and tried for so long , the cruel heart of  mine laughed .. because you are always complaining  , I asked for how long will this continue , he laughed again  , and said …as long as he likes .

…then it said , your miseries are nothing , compared to some others so forget about them …beside he is busy and not interested in your miserable always whining and crying  , you are alive , you should be grateful for that ,…. I said  and what about him being merciful ……. and in response  , it just laughed and laughed and laughed ….and in that laughter , another laugher merged .. these were the waves  , now laughing  along him …

..and with heavy heart , I stood up … and walked and walked and walked , all the way , some  4-5  kilometers back to my Khooli …. that night while sleeping on the  roof , for its too hot , even the fan  throws flames instead of air , beside  the Bill , Last months Electric Bill , ….why do they always increase the electricity rated in summers…??

..any way … while on the roof , and looking at the half burned  mosquite coil  , I looked up , beyond the floating  clouds , there were stars ….far far away stars …. looking down at me , with contempt …and laughing

..Sigh .. i guess i cannot do anything else , except bear it out , for as long as he want , i am kind of his game ..and he loves my miseries and enjoys them , for it being too long  18 plus years , and  8 years since i had a decent meal , a decent home  cooked meal …  and i feel a sleep …



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