Archive for May, 2015

May 17, 2015

Ilm Deen Again

by afatqiamat

Last week I met that  Beggar Contractor at the beach ,  with his Kid , he was using his own Kid as his ” machine ” ..but perhaps last week , the inner father in him woke up and he took his kid to beach  , not as a machine / contractor …but as a father /son .. i don’t know about them how they felt… the kid definitely seemed to have the time of his Life , so i guess  his father too would have had a different experience , I for sure was filled with a  sacred  light of happiness… while coming   back to my Khooli , I thought i saw Ilm deen … then wondered all the way back , where was he , how was he …and what latest on him…

Ilm Deen [ fictitious  name of a REAL person ] , has been grinding his Life for the past , God knows how many years , I have seen a very healthy , upright , honest , likeable and always smiling and helpful person turn into a shadow of himself , right before my eyes within a few years

..he had an accident and that turned his life upside down , every one started abandoning him , first his luck and with it his wealth , then his relatives , then his co-leagues , then his Wife and his children  , then his brother , then his Parents , and the guy for no apparent fault of his own , getting burden after burden of harshness on his shoulder … his is a very common story , spread all around us, yet we immersed in our own world  , dont’ see it … perhaps there is no shock value in such stories , so we do not take any interest in it..

Any way … I was thinking about him … and  two days later I did find him , sitting alone , like always on his  usual place at  his usual hotel , Quetta Talash hotel , there was a cup of tea in front of him … I approached him , we exchanged pleasantries and i sat beside him ., I had a long hard  discreet look at him , trying to see any change   ..Yes , his cloths were clean , well ironed and he was wearing them regally as always , don’t know he has an air of  regalilty  about him , which would always remind me Henry Wolton’s famous poem , we used to study at school…


” …..this Man is free from Servile Bands
Of hopes to rise or Fear to fall .”

Lord of himself , though not of Lands

and having nothing yet hath all …. ” .


… this is something that is common between him and me , thats why i always relate to him, somehow……… I think ….!!

..any way , I asked how is life …. and he in a  nonchalant way   said .. the same   ” Cruel ” … then a hint of a sarcastic smile appeared on  his lips , but he controlled it …

.. I kept silent …

..he too … we both remained silent for quiet some time… then he said … you know  , my brother too has cheated me .  I kept silent .   then he went on and said…    My father gave  my brother Power of Attorney to our house  for Tax purposes , he was getting old , and i was not in Karachi , and there were some legal matters  with  House Building Corporation as well as other Utility companies  , I did not knew it… you know I don’t live at our house , just go in the night to sleep there , that all , …

Then one day he said ., Pack up we are moving ..and then it revealed to me , that he has silently without telling any one sold the house  , my father and mother are in old age   .and completely dependent on him , beside my mother too helped him , she was the one who gave him the Property documents , without telling any one , not even my father … we knew only when , he told us to Pack ….

….and from a  684 Yards nice open air and good house  , he moved us to a , what he says is 200 yards , but i figure it is hardly  120 yards  house in Clifton

… my father , who is in his often not in his senses , some how musterd courage and asked him , how has he sold the house , without  telling any one…??

… he did not answered that … he did not tell … for how much he has sold the house …and in how much he has  bought that  120-200 yard  thing …

all he said , whatever I got  from the sale of  that large house , all of it is used up in buying this crap …

… I was shocked …. it  hit me like a hammer  , so the homeless guy was homeless again…. , I looked up to him …and asked , why didn’t you did any thing….

..he remained silent …. silent for a long time… then said…  for whom … should i do any such thing … I have no nothing , no family , no home , …even my mother always sides with my brother , and for whom should now I do any such thing….

.. I said for your self , or for you parents… !!

he said , Parents…? i am a realist … in my present situation all i need is one  dingy  mattress to sleep on … I earn my own , am not burden on any one , my wife has left me , and me with working  all day out  , I cannot take  care of my parents…. at the moment its him  who keeps them , feeds them , ..and take a bit of care of them …..  yes this is life ….  he found the apportunity to strike and he did….  this is the price he has extracted ….!!

…then before i could say anything… stood up and went away ……

..and All i could do was …………… Nothing ..  with lots of unanswered question , crawling all over in my mind

May 15, 2015

And he was the Man [ 3 ]

by afatqiamat

I was wandering on the beach , it was crowded , though  Thursday  , but crowded  , a lot of  peoples , all kinds , all shapes , all ages  , single , couples , with families ,without families ,  rich , poor , middle class , with their own transport or without it were there .. each  immersed in his own world , his own universe , barely aware of others around him ,  enjoying or trying to enjoy ., some were there  to just  have a good time , some like me to escape , escape from the  harshness of life , sitting  beside the waves or , sitting in the waves , some having a bit of snacks and then carelessly throwing the garbage around , other just  sitting or walking along the beach , in the water  and  looking in particular no where like me

..then suddenly my eye caught attention , it was a man ,  he was playing with a child , the child  does not appeared normal , he had a bit of sling in his leg , but  seemed  happy , very very happy ,  splashing in water , trying to run , then  falls and laugh at himself  , at his own fall , and then would try to run again and deliberately  fall  just to laugh at himself  , he was soaked in water , but seemed to enjoy it , his father had sometimes a concerned look , at other time  happy , Happy  for his child being happy , and showing a mocking  anger and asking his child to be careful …. but the child would act as is ignoring him ..and playing his own run and fall game …

…I looked intently at his  father , he looked familiar , I tried to remember  , now where have I seen him ..?? .  in the mean while , the child had a sudden rush of energy and ran straight to him , with such force ….that his father too fell ….  the shock of  such sudden rush of energy  shocked his father …and for a moment he seemed lost…. child suddenly became a bit scared….  for he has just pushed his  father to fall …. then the man came out of shock …. and feeling his own situation ,  ..looked at his child…. then seeing the shadow of  fear in child’s eye ….   stood up….  and laughed , a sudden sigh of relieve appeared in child eyes ….and he again rushed toward him and tried to push him down ,pushing his leg …… the father sensing his effort , deliberately fell down and they both laughed …. a father son hearty laugh

…and  my mind wandered … now where have i seen him…  !!  ..the man looked around  and sensed me  looking at him … at the same moment  ,  I looked at him …. and in a flash I recognized him

…he was the man , who was in charge of all those beggars , .the one he called his machines ….. he would bring them every morning  … my mind flashed ….. and a thought , kind of doubt rose his ugly head in my mind …….. could this be his own child … the one us himself would set at some road corner to beg ….??

..the child would earn for him ….and he would take care for him…. not as a father , but as a caretaker of other beggars ..his machines …. and then collect them in the evening with thier earned income , … but today he was not  the caretaker , or contractor …but rather a father … treating his own  son , …may be to a holiday …. from the begging job ….   my eyes met his ,  a dim spark of recogniation came into his eyes.. I approached him … smiled and asked…. your child ..?  he  remained silent , perhaps deliberating in his mind , should he answer  me or not … or who am I ?, and why am I asking this question .?.. but then he  relaxed … perhaps recognized me … and said … yes…  ..then looked back at his child and gently said ….. ” Sarfraz lets go …. ” …. the child wanted to play more … but he firmly held his hand …. and as soon he held his hand .. the child who was so  bubbly and happy and playiful … became obedient …….and simply walked  , no dragged himself  along side him , without saying another word …  he then stopped at a  khooka …. and brought some  candies  and a packet of chips … child’s face lit up again ..

…and they  then walked to the same  wagon , which was now kinda  familiar to me , in which he would bring his machines every morning …. and drove away …

… I kept looking his way ….  and turned around … for the sun was about to set … and setting sun in the waters of  Arabian Sea on Clifton beach , dirty ugly beach  , unclean beach  …is one good sight …. but today the beach did not looked dirty to me…. instead  if was glowing …. glowing with  the  love of a  father for his child … I felt a  certain invisible light al around me … looked around , and heaved a sigh …..

For a  fleeting moment i thought i saw  Ilm deen there too …..  then shrugged …and sat there for god know  how long … till that light of  fathers love for his child dimmed in me….

May 12, 2015

The Long Wait

by afatqiamat

Complaining again …?… you ungrateful  thing…

..sigh … this is what I tell myself whenever , my heavy heart forces me to shed down some burden …

Last night .. I took the last coach , and fortunately  it dropped me near  the sea … it was kind of deserted so i wandered down to the water …..and sat there on the wet sand …. then cursed myself  that I  will have to wash my cloths now , because it was wet .

and then immersed my feets in the waves , closed my eyes and tried to think of God . in the hope that may , just may be , he will appear out of no where when no one is around and at least listen to me…

..then I felt , the waves are trying to say something to me , gently knocking  on the door of my soul , I kept my eyes closed and tried to listen .

… i thought they were trying to say , that i should tell the God about my  miseries , about my problem  , about the nearly monolithic perpetual state of Pain I am in , I felt my heart opening , but it was too dark , only the waves and their sound …

so I asked why ..? why am I being tried , and tried for so long , the cruel heart of  mine laughed .. because you are always complaining  , I asked for how long will this continue , he laughed again  , and said …as long as he likes .

…then it said , your miseries are nothing , compared to some others so forget about them …beside he is busy and not interested in your miserable always whining and crying  , you are alive , you should be grateful for that ,…. I said  and what about him being merciful ……. and in response  , it just laughed and laughed and laughed ….and in that laughter , another laugher merged .. these were the waves  , now laughing  along him …

..and with heavy heart , I stood up … and walked and walked and walked , all the way , some  4-5  kilometers back to my Khooli …. that night while sleeping on the  roof , for its too hot , even the fan  throws flames instead of air , beside  the Bill , Last months Electric Bill , ….why do they always increase the electricity rated in summers…??

..any way … while on the roof , and looking at the half burned  mosquite coil  , I looked up , beyond the floating  clouds , there were stars ….far far away stars …. looking down at me , with contempt …and laughing

..Sigh .. i guess i cannot do anything else , except bear it out , for as long as he want , i am kind of his game ..and he loves my miseries and enjoys them , for it being too long  18 plus years , and  8 years since i had a decent meal , a decent home  cooked meal …  and i feel a sleep …


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